Once the maddest, baddest Tory you'd ever meet, Portillo's been busy spinning a caring, touchy-feely, all-inclusive 'rebranded' version of himself.

Heck, he even admitted to having 'gay experiences' when he was younger!

Sadly, this failed to impress gay rights groups who accused him of being a 'hypocrite and a homophobe' after he voted against an equal age of consent and, as Defence Secretary, enforced a ban on lesbians and gays in the armed forces.

Punch not satisfying enough? Give Portillo a good warping here!