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the Blair Witch Kids
If a reason is really needed, then it's because unscripted wanderings and flith- strewn dialogue do not constitute a cinematographic masterpiece. What really kills me is that there at least a handful of people who thought this movie was a good idea in the first place. Maybe I'll hire a kid with a video camera to follow me around as I shop for groceries, and I can smack him around when I discover that the avocados are a bit mushy. It would be at least as interesting, and with a good promo scheme, I should gross at least a few mils. Ah, modern drama...

The British Board of Film Classification,
also known as the British Board of Facist Censorship treats the people of this nation as utter morons who can't decide for themselves what they should and shouldn't watch. They cut such benign films as The Matrix and The World is Not Enough. They ruin good films like Pulp Fiction, Kids and Fight Club and spend all day quarrelling over whether someone's dick is more erect than Cornwall. Sad. If all the stuff they cut really is harmful, then the censors themselves must be irrevocably harmed by now and completely unable to make reasonable decisions. Get rid of all those Daily Mail readers and replace 'em with people with brains.
Daniel Stone

Peter Stringfellow
Because not only is he a dirty old man, but he has conceivably the crappest haircut in the world. OK, so he manages to sleep with lots of young lissome girls, but he's a foul, greasy rodent like git. The idea of sleeping with him ranks with the idea having Mike Tyson nibbling my ear affectionately. I'm sorry, he NEEDS to be given a right old slapping, and not from those right old slappers he sleeps with.
Jo Montagu

Tamara Beckworth
Quite possibly the most nauseating, distasteful, socially inept, repugnant character I have ever had the misfortune to lay my eyes on. Any man, woman or beast that has visibly made it to the forefront of televisual presenting (well er, Casting Couch) by the sheer size and weight of their pockets simply appalls the general public. I suggest that all broadcasters that should happen upon this note forcibly remove this overpaid, over-hyped slimy cockroach from their premises forthwith. Similarly, any restauranteurs worth their salt should spike her meals and wheel her off to the Betty Ford Clinic just as the creme brulees are served. The public should stand up to these social parasites. Ban Tamara Beckwith. NOW! I beseech you.


George W. Bush
Good god, isnt it aparent what this dick needs? A good beatdown! This bastard had plenty of "youthful indiscretions" (ie drugs) yet he continues to lock up anyone else who has them. This is just what America needs...another facist Bush in office. What a pile of shit. In fact, he should also be lit on fire, after a proper slapping.
Rob Weaver

Linda Tripp
What the hell was she thinking, alost every god damn president fucks around, so why exploit this one and use her so called friend Monica Lewinski. I mean geez what is she still in Junior high trying to get into the cool crowd by destoying other peoples lives. This isn't junior high you bitch, it's America and I mean really do we care you has their dick sucked in the White House. No I'd rather see our attention on the national debt. Now if she would of taped a conversation on where we could get all the money to save our economy then fine. But this Bitch made our news and lives more difficult and I am sure will cause the already stressed out president to have a heart attack.

Cliff Richard
Why: What, you need to be told? That travesty of a song is so poor that my eardrums have burst out of protest. Not only that, but when he sings it he puts on such a false 'with feeling' face that it looks like he's juggling with a particularly severe bout of constipation. Our Father, who art in heaven, deliver us from this type of shite.
-James F

Carol Smillie (Changing Rooms etc.)
The cheeky grin, the huge profits from wrecking peoples houses with her team of MDF-wielding mentalists whilst she blatantly is only there to lead poor Handy Andy on with her teasing cheeky-grinning ways. Also the ability to sound like she's reading an autocue when she's in the middle of an exotic holiday location and the fact she's in every TV show except the ones with Chris Tarrant or Carol Bleedin' Vorderman. At least Carol acts intelligent enough to be on Tomorrow's World.

michael douglas
for stealing welsh beauty, Catherine Zeta Jones, and treatening to marry her. which the fat old bastard has now gone and done. twat.

United States Government
We are a rich, wonderful country! Yet, our senior citazins go without medicine because they can't afford it, our children go without healthcare because their parents can't afford insurance, we have fundraisers to raise enough to pay a life saving medical prodedure that insurance won't cover....Yet we spend millions $ on foolish expenditures that neither help our children or our elderly!!! Go figure!
Gail Porter
Because she is stumpy and far too perky and had to take her clothes off to get ANYONE'S attention and she looks like an overfed hamster and she irritates the living shit out of me!!


George Bush Jr., Texas Gov. & U.S. Prez
Because Jr. is an ignorant, hypocritical ill tempered fool who has a frighteningly realistic chance of becoming the next U.S. virtue of submitting the highest bid. His 'compassionate conservatisim' apparantly doesn't apply to gays...or even the passage of the Hate Crime bill, despite the horrific KKK dragging death of an African American in Texas only 1 year ago. Actually, George Sr. and Barbara oughtta get a few smacks themselves for spawning such a worm! Lisa, in San Antonio

victoria beckham
she's an anorexic, tacky, essex girl who thinks she can recreate herself into some kind of Diana figure so she needs a good slapping to wake herself up

Howard Stern: Radio 'personality'
Tired of pompous egocentric asshole wanna- be-rockstars-but-can't-shut-up-long-enough- to-learn-to-play-the-drums clogging up the airwaves.

Pat Robertson
He bilks people of their money in the name of God and he spreads messages of hate regarding single mothers, homosexuals and immigrants. He tries to instill fear and hate in people so he can push his agenda through Congress. He's nothing more than a money-grubbing capitalist with a right-wing agenda to make himself richer!! He should be slapped about the head and shoulders until he's unrecognizable.

William Hague
Because he's a total and utter nobody who's done nothing in his life outside of politics, unless you count a spell of employment with that godawful `consultants' firm McKinsey as `doing something'. This mostrous twat thinks that being a university debating champ makes him fit to lead the country. The only good thing about him is he's leading the Tory party into oblivion.


Dan Burton
For those of you who do not know, Danny boy is an American Congressman representing the state of Indiana. This jerkwad had the audacity to supoena a 6yr. old boy who had been brought to the USA by his mother and step father from Cuba---the refugee move, ya know. Well, his mother and step-father drowned during the journey and the youngster was found floating on an innertube on the coast of Florida. He has relation in Florida who are now refusing to send him back to his father in Cuba. i am sure this is world wide news. The US Govt. assured the boy's father and the Cuban Govt. that the boy would be returned. Then, Danny Boy slaps a supoena on the young child (who is not even old enough by US law to testify in a court of law) causing a delay so that the relation in Florida had time to go for custody and US Citizenship for the youngster. What the heck is that about?!?! Smack Dan Burton!! His manipulation of the system is deplorable!! Smack him! Stomp him!! Get him out of office!!

General Pinochet
reason=Overweight old dictator screwing the British government and everyone else in the world at the same time. Mentaly and Physically unstable? My arse. If we wont send the bastard to where he belongs lets at least give him a good virtual slap!

Gen. Barry McCaffrey 'Drug Czar'
He is a narrow minded piece of shit. WTF? Eveyone and their mom can drink themselves blind, but we can't enjoy the virtues of the good herb? He is a fuckin NAZI. How dare anyone tell us what we can or cannot put in our bodies. Fuck you McCaffrey! Get a Labotomy. Land of the Free? Not Fuckin likely. Why do all of these useless assholes think they can run everyones lives??? Don't get me started....
Dan M ;

The Reverend Ian Pasley
If it where not for this man and his hard- line bullshit there would have been peace in ireland 5 years ago.
Pipsqueak voiced Joe Pasquali
Unquestionably a prime candidate for a hard slap upside the head Pasquali is perhaps the most irritating 'star' television has spawned. Humour that would seem awquard at a fucking Butlins camp designed for lowbrow saturday night viewing, pathetic and well worth a slap I'm sure you'll agree.


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