Our slapping eye caught the bulky unpleasant mass that is Mr David 'Sleaze' Mellor

We could tell you that he deserves a good slap for all his hypocritical claims to being a football fan while supporting the Criminal Justice Act which made life hell for real fans.

We could tell you that he deserves a slap for being a useless sleazeball, or even just for being a failed Tory - that's reason enough in our book.

But no, the real reason is that Mellor seems to have a face that's simply designed to be slapped - and hard. Go on - put him out of his misery. Give that smarmy sleazy Tory a nice big smack in his lardy jowls. It's what he wants.