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Ephemeral Ecstasy
copyright © Theresa George

Cherise met Dutch at Area 51, July 17, 1999, and immediately developed a huge crush on him, because no one had ever looked sexier to her than he had under the light of 3 hits of MDMA and 400 bowls of the greenest green. She harbours this flame for a month, not even contemplating the idea that she could actually get with him, because she is 17, and a senior in high school, and a poet, and he is 30, the top psy-trance dj in the Bay Area, Inner Eye and Area 51, and thus, out of her league.

She arrives at Camp Harmony one month later and at the exact moment, Greg Sandler announces "Dutch is here." as he parks his motorcycle. Her heart races and she eye-stalks him from afar, thinking how sexy and rugged he must be riding his motorcycle all the way out to Tahoe carrying only his record bag. She eye-stalks the whole weekend, when he chilling with her neighbours, and finally, Saturday night, after shrooming all day thinking about how sexy he is, in the one sober decision of her weekend, she tells him she has a crush on him. To her extreme surprise and delight, he reacts well to this, processes the new information that this gorgeous young girl wants him, impressed by her honesty, her ass, and her love for mushrooms.


Saturday night at Camp Harmony is their first date, a beautiful setting surrounded by 360 degrees of redwoods, endless stars, the ecstasy of 3 areas of music, and viewed through mushroom eyes. He builds her a fire and they talk in mushroom language of consciousness, love, the universe, music, humanity, and chemistry; dance, smoke herb, and they realise they have both found something magical. She fell in love when he described a map of DMT hyperspace, he did when he kissed her, and when she asked what it would be like to exist as music, as a vibration.

He's always had the same look in his eyes and its always been with love, with fire, and in the moment 2 weeks later at his party, Hallucination, she fell for his vibration. In the hallway in a brief moment away from the chaos surrounding making this night happen, they face each other, a foot of air space separating their hearts, looking into each others eyes and feeding off each other's souls, transfixed and wanting nothing more than to never leave that moment, she reached out her hand to feel his soul, and felt his heart beating out of control.

From this moment, she knew he must feel something for her, and though she'd been hesitating to call it love, even though her erotic poetry she wrote for him seemed to suggest it, it was a fire she'd never experienced for anyone even being in love. He made her believe from that first night that he wanted her in his life permanently, and even where she lacked confidence, all of her friends who saw and understood the chemistry between them was strong enough not only to drive her to poetry, but to make their 13 year age difference seem inconsequential. She should have known better.


In the Garden of Eden, 15 minutes before his set, Cherise finds out that while Dutch's been treating her like a princess, he's been calling her a toy, a "sweet, innocent, and beautiful" toy at that, but still a toy. She is just beginning to Hippie Flip really hard, so the truth almost takes her into a bad place, but her goddess friends, Meagan, Fiona, and Jessica, lift her back up to the realisation that she is not a toy. She is a person, a person who loves with her whole being naturally, because it feels good for her to give that much of herself to someone she thinks of that highly.

Dutch does not deserve that goddess love. She is not hurt, but in that moment of truth she has divorced herself of all feelings for Dutch, glad that the truth has set her free and that she is a free agent again, especially looking as fly as she does that night. So into jungle therapy the pimps run, jumping into the vibe of the room.

Damian (Dieselboy) smiles as they jump into the vibe of his room and immediately take control of the vibe with their unique energy dancing up front, in a quadruple mushroom spiritual praise and joy step...u know how the jungle girls do it, dope and sexy with their hips and intricate steps, making it look easy because there is nothing easier than moving to the music when the music is moving you. Cherise picks a small white flower from the alter and places it right next to the right turntable, just to see Damian smile, and then continues in her continuous circular fingertip shoulders hips knees toes step. She hasn't even looked at another guy since she and Dutch hooked up, so it is strange for her to be so attracted to the perfect jungle angel behind the decks. She dances and feels a completeness she's never known in all her life, created by the love surrounding her in this strange location, Maritime Hall, the Garden of Eden. The love hits her so hard it forces her body to sit down in front of the speaker, and let the indecipherable mushroom syllable come from her soul:

mwaaaaaaauuaahhhhhhhhhhhhhmmmmm- mwahhhhmmaamwaaaaawwwaawwwww- aaaaah-aaaammmmwaahawww-wwwawaaaaahhhhhh


But in a moving 3-d melody, moving her soul to perfect vibration. She has spoken this holy syllable once before after eating mushrooms and smoking green in the chill room at the Harmony Springtime Flower Festival, the party where earlier, she and Dutch had first connected on his dancefloor because she'd eaten a stem in line and was already shrooming hard by the time she was the first dancer on the floor, weird and beautiful how the tracks he was laying down here so bassy and mushroomy.

She heard the syllable again, spoken at the closing prayer of Hallucination in a circle of perfect energy that had created the vibe of that party, and strangely enough, Dutch wasn't a part of that circle. She remembered the sound bringing tears to her eyes; the syllable the was the most beautiful thing she'd ever heard, and she was in such awe to hear it again spoken by 150 other souls that she could not bring herself to join the chorus. She believed it meant loving your soul is loving your brother is loving the universe, but she did not understand the tongue of celestial beings, though she could speak it when one was filling the void of her soul.

What was so celestial about the syllable itself and the melody is that it came out of her so easily, so sweetly, such a profound catharsis, that by having no control over her own vocal chords, letting no self-awareness hold her back from allowing the mushroom to speak through her, she was setting herself free with the vibration. When the track was over and she woke up from the trance, she danced weightlessly. Mushrooms were always spiritual to her because they made her feel like a prophetess when they spoke through her.


In one night she had cured her soul.

She also found the perfect rebound guy. She'd met him before at an all jungle party also at Maritime Hall in July, called Double Trouble, and what impressed her about Damian was that him being the jungle pimp he was, he was waiting to hear Sean (Rinse's) set, and he was totally nice and down to earth. She was surprised he recognised her that night, because she looked completely different, but he did, and they chilled for the rest of the night, discussing drum and bass and how it breeds drum and bass culture.

Cherise was just happy she could be attracted to someone else, for often in the freshness of break-up, she still felt she belonged to her past love, like a flower plucked from a garden that still wants to be in that familiar dirt. She knew she wanted his body, mind, and soul, but she would settle for a kiss. His lips were soft, and the tenderness and fullness they revealed made that kiss the most memorable one in all her life. As she was leaving the place, he called out to her:
"Cherise! Are you going to the Justice League Monday?"
"Why? Are you going to be there?"
"Are you going to be spinning there?"
"Yeah. You should come out."
"I'll try."
"I want you to be there."
"Yeah, but I don't know how I'm going to get in."
"You don't have an ID?"
"I'm not 21!"
"You're not? How old are you?"
"I'm 17. I'm a senior in high school!"
"Well, I'm sure you can figure out something."
"What if I showed up with you?"
He smiled. "I'm sure they wouldn't hassle you."
"I'll figure it out."
"So you'll be there?"
"Yeah, I'll be there."


They hugged goodbye. Monday night finally rolled around, after a tedious day at school, and a stressful 4 hours at work, made even more stressful by Dutch calling and pretending everything was still all good. The goddesses used the same ID 3 times, and the security guard was wise to their scheme, but simply acknowledge that fact.

Damian was glad to see her, as she told him of all the drama her past 3 days had brought. But it was all good because she was there, and with a beer in her hand and the cutest boy she'd ever seen flirting with her, she was perfectly content. Empress of New York was rocking the place, and with every sip of beer, puff of herb, and friend that surrounded her, Cherise was further and further away from Dutch's flame. How could she even think about Dutch with fine ass Dieselboy watching her every move?

She realised he might have perceived her actions as simply rebound, which to the rebound extent they were, but it wasn't as if he was an ordinary boy. When he placed his first record on the turntable, she felt her heart skip a beat. She couldn't believe how gorgeous he looked in that dim light, perfectly shaped eyebrown framing deep brown eyes, full lips, bleach-blonde hair, bulletproof (ttellubproof) grey T-shirt, petite and fly with his perfect little ass, a boy the whole jungle loved.


He had the whole place up and dancing their asses off, and his set, which contained many dope tracks she's never heard before and a few signature ones (Soldier's Story) she had, unlike the completely signature one at Eden, and this was far superior, in fact it was the best set she's danced to in her whole life, and she had so much fun dancing with everyone around, getting drunker track by track.

It was something she'd learned time and time again, that dancing, period, but especially to jungle, was therapy for her. Dancing to jungle, whether under the influence of life, beer, weed, mushrooms, e or acid, was always the shit because it was always under the influence of bass, it was always prayer to that evil bass.

Like prayer, it gave the mind focus, the body harmonic vibration, the soul, unity. It was a wishful type of thinking, that, when done correctly, would bring her into a state of meditation and self-prayer where you could realise your own dreams. Sometimes drugs were the transportation like a train, and sometimes the movement of the bass was all the transport she needed. Drugs had brought her many revelations, because she knew how to see through the atmospheric changes to the inner modulations and tune her body to that frequency to make the trip life-altering. This is why her life often changed drastically from week to week.


By being forced to take Dutch out of the centre of her happiness, she truly had found her soul in his ashes. And the most romantic kiss of her life. The next day she sits in a free moment, reading her own poetry and listening to "Walk This Land". (I'll fill you with desire) another day, a sleepless day for me

And she realises that there is something about mushrooms that always give her a more positive and intuitive outlook on life, that they always guide her in the path of happiness, however ephemeral it may be, it is always true. just walk this way just walk this way with me (with desire)

And all she can think about are his tender hips, his sexy feminine appearance so balanced by his aggressive jungle stance. All she can think about is how cute he looked djing, like a perfect jungle angel. another sleepless night and we're gonna walk this land together another sleepless night and we're gonna walk this land together walk this land

If he didn't live in Phillly he'd be the perfect boy to chase. But the fact he lived in Philly made him the perfect crush, because it wasn't going to lead to anything more, and she knew she'd see him at the next Eden in two months. And this time, with her mind, body and soul in focus on getting a piece of his jungle love, with no motive except her desire, she just might seduce him. One night with that boy would be enough ecstasy to inspire her for eternity.

© Theresa George, 1999

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