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caption competition: archive

This motley collection, tragically, represents the best you lot could come up with in two years!

< latest comp
< John Major

tony blair gets on down to 'anarchy in the uk'. possibly

...and here's the best so far - and no, we can't make sense of half of them either:

I aint nothing but a sound byte, servin mega-corporations all the time' if u aint got money.. then u aint no friiiend of mine'
kris pate

'CHERRIE..... Could you get me a new G-String.'
Leanne Cook,

'What the hell did you say this was?'

''cos I, i wannnaaa beeeeee Anaarrkeeeeee'

'All the dimpled chads between here and here are for Gore'.


'and later, after the photos and the soundbite "No no Peter, what I actually said was that no one can work a FENDER like you"...'

'Laboured Tune'

'I say Colonel, this lettuce is good!'

'YEAAAHHH! I am quite coool. Boof myster!'
sMaRtIe GiRl

'i walk like a woman, but talk like a man, Lola .. L O L A, loholaaaaa'

'Well, that's one louder than ten, innit?'

'poogy woogy ploby, woby sbloby doo, dopoo gooly woo, joby jooby yobby hoola hoolee hoo, foogy fudgy dooola phonee woonee too,poogy woogy ploby, woby sbloby doo, dopoo gooly woo, joby jooby yobby hoola hoolee hoo, foogy fudgy dooola phonee woonee too. Fuck me. I'm good'



'i walk like a woman, but talk like a man, Lola .. L O L A, loholaaaaa'

Never thought it would be soooo easy to use my thumb with this.. coooool!!
Kanskje Snuppa

'Blair's peace-a-chord was as shaky as usual' (ouch! -ed)
Dave 'Rumblefish' Colbran

'Pardon me if I hit the wrong note, I'm just not used to wrapping my fingers around anything this wide...'

'Okay, very funny but own up whoever put super glue on my guitar.' Jim

'To relax I crank out a few Ted Nugent power chords and think of my missiles raining down on Slobba, Saddam and any other punk ass motherfucker who fails to share my caring, inclusive vision.' Mick Bowe (**editor's choice so far!)

'Wow, it really does look like a chicken!'
Zac Hilbert.


'Since Ron's resignation, Tony hadn't wanted to go busking on the Common.'
Tim Kemp

'Here's one I wrote while I was cold, hungry and dirty under Waterloo Bridge.' Ravi Vadgama

'my credibility's shot I'm lettin' Gordon call the shots I'm outta ideas and out news I guess I'll just do what Major would do I'm singin' the New Labour blues!'
Peter MacDonald

'I can't play the G-string because of where it's been. The E and the C are drugs. The F is a dirty letter and D and A, put together, are the initials of my nick-name: Duck's Arse.'
Sean Linehan


'Tony was keen to display his newly aquired guitar skills. He revealed that he doesn't need to practise very often, as he's been fingering the country for the past few months.'

'New Labour, New Anthem - anybody know the chords for "All Right Now"?'
Nick Leverton

'Tony barely improvises on the old J Major Scale'

'My guitar is like my party. I play the strings and they sing my tune!'

'the working class can kiss my arse - I've got the foreman's job at last' - sung along to a very popular melody


'A PM in need's a PM indeed' (this one needs psychological help) 'A PM on weed is better!' (he sure as hell looks like he is)

'Man, at the next Labour party conference I'm playing some Skynyrd. FREEBIRD!!!'
The Lobster

'What do you mean I orchestrated the Labour conference. I was only jammin' with my friend Peter....'
Doug Craib

'Mama, mama, dem hold papa, say dey charge 'im wi' smoke ganga ...'

'This will stop Gordon playing his bloody bagpipes every night!'

'Tony found himself obsessed with playing The Blues ever since he realised that Cherie was, in fact, the love-child of The Joker and the Cheshire Cat.'
Laura the mod

'I just ramp the FX up and run it into my sampler until I blend in the vocals at final mixdown, now where did I put that Eurovision application form?'

'After some fine tuning from his friend Peter, Tony was sounding great.'

Want more? View the John Major Caption Archive
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